A Royal Flush

It's Browns Week. Ugh.

Sure, it’s a rivalry game, and we’ll no doubt watch this game with fanatical interest, but right now … ugh. You can’t polish a turd. It’s a matchup of 3-6 teams, and both have about as much chance of making the playoffs as Rutgers has making the BCS Championship Game.

Let’s face it: The Steelers-Browns rivalry hasn’t been the same since douchebag Art Modell violently uprooted and hijacked the real Browns to Baltimore in 1995. That action traumatized Browns and Steelers fans alike. Cleveland is still struggling to reclaim its NFL identity, and the rivalry has yet to really take seed again.

So, what’s left to get excited about this game? Well, it is Steelers-Browns, certainly one of the most storied rivalries in the NFL. A long history here, with memorable moments too numerous to cover in detail here. As of midweek, however, this particular game felt blah … at least until Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards flapped his yap regarding last year’s 41-0 thrashing the Steelers administered the Browns on Christmas Eve:

“This is not a situation where
they say the past is the past,”
Edwards said.

“No. The hell with that.
We're coming after their ass.
You don't beat somebody 41-0 at their own house.
We're coming for the Steelers. Point-blank, period.”

Yeah, whatever. As Max Starks, the Steelers affable offensive tackle, said on his radio show last evening, “He can talk all he wants, but what’s he done?”

Which is a question that also can be asked about Browns tight end Kellen Winslow II (Jr.?), as in, what’s he done in the NFL?

We know what he accomplished in college, while at the “U”:

According to Wikipedia: “Winslow generated significant national attention following a 2003 University of Miami loss to the University of Tennessee Volunteers. During a sweep play for Miami wide receiver/cornerback Devin Hester, Winslow made a terrific block on two Volunteers, effectively taking both defenders out of the play. Following the block, Winslow stood over both players, taunting injured Tennessee defensive back Corey Campbell. When questioned during the media session following the game Winslow admitted that he had known Campbell was injured but didn't care:

“Yeah, I don't give a hell. It's about this U, man. I don't give a flyin' you-know-what about a Vol. I don't give a damn! He would do the same thing to me. It's war. They don't give a freakin' you-know-what about you. They will kill you. They're out there to kill you. So I'm 'a kill 'em. You write that in the paper. You write that. You make money off that. No, man, I'm pissed. All y'all take this down. I'm pissed, man. We don't care about nobody except this U. We don't. If I didn't hurt him, he'd hurt me. They were gunnin' for my legs. I'm 'a come right back at 'em. I'm a fuckin' soldier!”

“Winslow took heavy criticism for the rant since many critics felt it was disrespectful to actual soldiers who were serving on duty in the Iraq War, which had started several months before.”

As Max Starks said last evening:

“Yeah, he’s a soldier. We’ll take the bus ride up to Cleveland, we’ll probably be a little cranky from the ride, and we’ll face Kellen, the soldier, and the rest of the Browns.

"And, you know, anything brown needs to be flushed.”

A Terrible Situation

>You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On
>your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side
>is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
>Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and
>your horse is unable to overtake it! Behind you is a
>lion running at the same speed as you and the
>Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of
>this situation?
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>If you do not know, see answer below.
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>Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!